We've all heard this story before.

A boy commits suicide after failing his subject at school.

Was the problem really academic failure? Nope. It was the failure to meet up to his parent's expectations. It was the failure to please his parents. I would call it pleasing failure.

Recently, I've become self-aware that I am no longer a small child by age. But, even more self-aware that there exists inside of me an even smaller child. Nope. I'm not pregnant. Don't think otherwise. I'm talking about the small child in me that desires so much to please my parents. Specifically, my mum.

So I decided. I need to do something before I go crazy. I will refer to Eleanor Chin's article entitled 'Development of Self-Motivation: Why Pleasing Parents Too Much Can be Bad for Your Health'. She says that human motivation is driven by both intrinsic and extrinsic factors. Of course, parents and others come under extrinsic.

My mother wants me to continue learning piano regardless of my almost zilch interest in becoming a piano teacher. And my aunt from London tells me I should be a paediatrician instead of studying mass comm. Oh. And apparently I'm unfulfilled in what I am studying now. I will have to admit - yes. You see, the danger with external motivation of pleasing others lies in losing a sense of identity. Of course, if I couldn't even find myself, how could I be fulfilled? And what I am studying now, it's true I chose it. But the fact was I wouldn't have entered Uni if it wasn't for pleasing my parents. If it wasn't for pleasing society. Ok, I sound pathetic.

Before I go down the lane of self-pity and depression, I'll take refuge in God and see what he says. Colossians 3:20 - "You children, be obedient to your parents in everything, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord."

hmm... after meditation, I've come to the conclusion that the only way to please myself within safe boundaries is to please God. After all, wise King Solomon made an interesting point when he said: " Foolishness is tied up with the heart of a boy." - Proverbs 22:15. Disobedience to parents would be sign of immaturity. And I would much rather score at pleasing and be mature, than be self-indulgent and immature.

Of course, I'd still have to find myself and progress in carving my identity. With just 1 more month before school reopens, I need to go through my closet and get rid of clothes I don't really like. Of clothes that others have passed to me in goodwill and I've been too afraid of upsetting them if I did not wear it. I need to start dancing like how I used to do. Before I my dance moves get rusty. And before I grow old and my bones get rusty.

Yet, in an attempt to reconnect myself, I intend to heed God's advice. Be nicer to my parents. Be kinder in my words. And always think in a calm manner before I speak. =)